"Beyond Dreaming - 04 Rituals" by Meike de Nooy

Rancha saw her coming and for the millionth time complained to himself about how he got stuck with this job. His friend Gaera gone out with his girlfriend, or actually his fiancée now as he had proposed to her on their way home from the Gala. Rancha had felt a surge of jealousy for his friend. He wished that he could be as happy as he, but his night at the gala had not been so fortunate. Shiffré had not exactly been interested in him and had been dancing with the elder boys more often then she had spent time with him. He had felt humiliated. Didn’t dance much at all and decided that there would be a day when she would see him as what he was. She would like him and want him as much as the elder boys. Maybe he just had to wait a year or two. Damn her, he thought, I just let her ruin my entire evening!

Meanwhile Leila had reached him and he nodded her good morning which she returned with a formal greeting. They turned to the woods and not another word was spoken until it was about lunchtime.

"You want to stop for lunch?" Leila asked.

"Sure" Rancha said.

They settled down against a big tree and started unpacking their lunch. Rancha had brought basically the same as she had and there wasn’t anything special to share so they ate in silence.

When they started off again Leila thought it might be nice to do some talking as she hardly knew Rancha and so she asked him about the Gala.

Rancha replied only with short answers and did nothing much to keep a conversation going.

What does she want? He thought. She can’t really want to talk with me can she? How can she not see that I’m only to be there for her safety and that that is where it ends! We have our own lives, we shouldn’t mix!

Leila was having her own thoughts. When seeing him on the battlefield wit Shasti he had seemed a lot more sympathetic and kind. At the Gala he had seemed nice enough although he hardly danced with anyone while he was a good enough dancer but he seemed a little sad. Now he just seemed to hide all his emotions behind a straight face. No emotion showed, while she was sure he was full of them. She smiled. You’re starting to take after Tara she thought to herself.

Why is she smiling like that? Rancha thought. God, what the hell is she thinking?

"Have you ever been to the Agin springs before?" Leila asked.

"I’ve seen it." Came Rancha’s short reply.

"But you haven’t been there?"

"No, of course not! It’s a sacred place for the moon goddess and even you will probably only be there once in your life unless you want to become a priestess and live the rest of your life only in service of her." He returned to his silence again as if he had spoken more than was healthy.

Leila was okay with it and kept her thoughts to herself. At a certain point she was so consumed with the ritual and had so many questions unanswered that she just couldn’t help but ask.

"What do you know about this moon ritual?"

Rancha looked slightly taken by surprise but regained his control and his outer calm within seconds.

"Why do you ask?"

"I was just curious, I think. My mother never had much of a chance to tell me about them and I simply wanted t know" She could hardly tell him she was selected for the ritual and was quite a bit panicky about it.

Rancha looked at her and it seemed to her that emotion was raging through his entire being, but he still kept his calm.

"I don’t know much about the ritual and don’t think that I should be the one to tell you what I do know."

"So then who is supposed to tell me" Leila rebuked.

Rancha looked at her again, surprised at her tone of voice. No girl in the village would have dared speak to him like that. This was more interesting than he thought.

Leila felt her wrongdoing and apologised for her rude manners. Now however it was her turn to be surprised by the sudden change of mood in Rancha.

"Never mind" he said, "I suppose someone should tell you, so I’ll tell you what I know as it probably more than you do, me being over twenty and so having participated in the nightly celebrations before."

He told it in quite a different way then Shasti had told her and he knew a lot more that she had hoped for.

"Two young people are selected to be prepared for the ritual. These people, man an woman, are nowadays selected when usually already a couple that is sure to be wed in the near future. This year however, it being a special year as the moons in our sky will all be aligned with our earth’s daughter moon, the ritual will be held as it was in the earlier days. The priestesses select according to certain birth tree dates, you might have seen them, as they are all described on the side of the temple wall. The man and woman selected, he paused as if thinking on the use of words."

"I know" Leila said.

"Good" he quickly went on obviously relieved

"Any children born from this intercourse are not to stay wit their parents but will be in service of the moon, bound to chastity unless they are chosen to be part of the moon ritual themselves one day."

Leila had sunken into deep thoughts.

"Have I satisfied your curiosity?" Rancha seemed more serious about it than need be, but she discarded it as the aftermath of the emotionless day. When they settled for the night Rancha took out a small warm woollen blanket and keeping on his cloak covered himself with it resting against the soft poison ivy on the tree. Leila did the same but had not taken any cover except her cloak. They wished each other good night and slept.

Leila woke up after hardly any sleep, chilled to the bone. Used to the dark she saw Shasti was sleeping. She got up to walk herself warm and then pulled her cloak tightly around her again and tried to catch some more sleep. She was shivering, but forced herself to concentrate on sleep. It did not come. Eventually she got up to walk herself warm and then, pulled up her legs close to her and wrapped her cloak tightly around her.

Rancha who had woken up immediately when he heard footsteps had seen Leila and suspected her to be cold. He himself was quite warm and he felt a sudden surge of sympathy for her. He would catch up his sleep when she had to wake overnight tomorrow night and so he stood up to cover her with his blanket, softly not to wake her.

Leila was very much awake however and nearly started when the blanket touched her, she hadn’t heard him coming. She kept quiet though and rejoiced in the warmth of the blanket. Her last thought before sleep was that whatever had been bothering Rancha this morning he had certainly changed.

Rancha walked around the forest. He found some Tanu-roots and thought he might as well take them along. Pondering about the rituals which he was not looking forward to at all, he pulled them apart and put them in his pocket.

How could he take just any girl to him and make love to her he thought. The chance he knew her was small as he supposed she would be from the village but that didn’t mean he would not know her by sight. Nobody would know who had been selected unless they were told but it would be so strange to meet afterwards or, never see each other again. What if she had a child? She would not be accompanied by a man to take care of her or her child. This was insane!

He sat himself down against the tree again and tried frantically to push the thought away. He would deal with it then. No use to worry about it now.

Leila was surrounded by crowds of people. She wasn’t sure where to go and not sure if she wanted to go anywhere anyway. She pushed her way through the people to get out of the crowd. She freed herself from the masses and walked into a small alleyway. Before she took three steps into the alley she felt she wasn’t alone. Immediately the feeling of being watched came over her. She looked around her but saw nobody. When she turned back to find safety in numbers and enter the crowds in the streets again she almost ran into the woman and nearly screamed but held her breath. The old lady that was the young man came to her with steady strides and stopped in front of her.

All she could do was look at him. He was handsome but foreign. On his forehead was the same necklace Leila had gotten from her mother. She stared with amazement. He smiled. You are accepting my child; that is good. You will be prepared, but it is not for you to bear a moonchild. Not yet, and not by him. He reached out for her and put his hand on the spot where he had kissed her before. She felt a surge of warmth but at the same time it chilled her to the bone and she shivered violently and couldn’t do anything about it. She opened her eyes and looked at Rancha who was softly patting her shoulder to wake her up. "

It’s time to go Leila, are you feeling ok?"

"I’m fine" Leila answered and forced a smile. "Thanks for the blanket." She quickly remembered.

"That’s ok" he said.

It was half a day walk from now and Leila was starting more and more to pull back into herself. Her dream was weird but somehow relieving. How exactly it was meant she wasn’t sure though. You never knew with dreams. She longed to ask Eunie for explanations. When she got up she also realized her moon flow had started and she excused herself to Rancha. She had nearly forgotten all about it.

Rancha had become a more easygoing travel companion though. He was now at least talking with her, not as if she was some stupid village girl.

Rancha himself had also decided that the trip wasn’t as bad he thought it would be and it turned out that Gaera had been right about Leila being a good travel companion as she was an intelligent girl and not bad to look upon at all.

Leila promised Rancha to be back there at the exact same time the next day. She turned to go, feeling awkward in the way she was leaving Rancha behind. Rancha said behind her: "Happy birthday Leila." She turned and smiled; how nice of him to remember! Then she walked off.

It was quite a hike to get up but it was nice that they had been following the river today and that she still was. The water from the Agin river was nice and fresh and cold and she could drink as much as she wanted.

Luckily the springs weren’t too high up. The water was still coming from the ground. Funny, Leila thought, that it had sought out such a high place to surface. Because of this though the Agin springs were very deep. They were also very clear and quite warm. Leila reached the edge of the small pool when the sun was just about to set. She could still see it entirely but it would soon disappear behind the rim.

Methodically she went to work as if she had done it every day of her life. She cleared the floor between the rocks which would form a nice shelter for the night and covered the floor with fresh grass she had been collecting on her way up. She put the scented wood in a stone bowl and the fire stones next to them. Then she threw of her cape and slid out of her dress folding both neatly and putting them underneath some stones. She loosened her hair and let it fall down her back. The wind was cold to her skin and she shivered.

Next to the spring there was a willow tree and rather then step into the deep waters she let herself softly slide into the water holding onto the willow roots. She found one which was deep enough that she could sit on it and still be surrounded by water up to her neck.

She took pleasure in the warm water which flowed smoothly past her skin and also softened the stomach ache that had started only a few hours ago. She slid of the root and let herself sink under the water. This was a wonderful place she thought. When her skin started to wrinkle a bit she thought it was time to get out. She supposed she was clean enough but had no way to tell. It was by now quite dark but the nearly full moon provided enough light to still see the entire mountain top.

She wrung the water from her hair and took the pot of Tum oil. This was an oil made in Tumir and was used usually for sprained ankles or wrists. It was a poisonous plant to eat and looked a lot like the Tanu roots. Once you had seen them next to each other though it was hard to mistake one for the other. The oil gave a warm tingling sensation which was good as it wasn’t exactly warm. She rubbed it over her entire body and took a few deep breaths of the soft sweet smell it gave off. She walked back to her sheltering rocks and sat herself down; on the one hand feeling al nice and clean from the bath on the other feeling dirty as she couldn’t do anything about her moon flow right then. She lit the wood with the fire stones and started feeling a little queasy from both the smell of the oil and that of the burning embers. Dizzily she rested her head in her hands. When she thought she was quiet ready she sat on her knees, facing the moon, humming to herself the words of surrender to the rest of her life:

Entranced by the song she was hardly aware that she was still singing it. Humming words she wasn’t sure existed other than in her mind. Momentarily being quite aware of her physical self Leila swallowed and was so severely sick that she thought she would throw up anytime soon but that didn’t happen. All she seemed to see was the moon growing larger in her mind as a big white bolt of lightning.

She could swear she wasn’t alone but she couldn’t see past the light in her head. She was aware of every inch of her body and sank her head to the floor so she wouldn’t fall over. She couldn’t think clearly and wasn’t sure she was still in the same spot either. She couldn’t feel the grass anymore and she couldn’t smell the wood either. She tried so hard to see but all her thoughts were dissolved in the light. She saw in the light a black spot coming towards her at great speed. She wanted to back away but felt she couldn’t move. Coming closer the spot took the shape of a man, a black man, but she couldn’t make out who it was. That was if she knew him in the first place. He seemed familiar enough though.

"I pledge myself to you." An oh so familiar voice said, but she couldn’t tell who it was and it was merely a whisper as the lightning seemed to grow and consume her entire being.

"You will serve me well my daughter!" an echo resonating through her head. "Don’t let me down and I will do the same for you." The bolt seemed to turn into a woman’s shape, an older woman, herself or her mother, but definitely beautiful. She was wearing the blue tear-shaped stone around her neck and touched Leila’s forehead.

"You are me and I am you, we are one through suffering and love. We’re part of each other and will live a long life so destined."

You can’t be me, Leila thought. But the resonating voice kept on.

"Follow your instincts and you will become more than you ever reckoned possible. If you believe in me…" there was a short silence and then her mind was filled with the question: "will you…?"

"Yes" Leila heard herself say.

"Then I’ll believe in you" the voice still echoing in her head when she woke up.

She had been sitting in the same pose the whole night and she felt disgusting. Her whole body ached, not to mention her stomach and she was cold to her bones. When she got up the world around her swirled and if she ever would have had too much alcohol in her life she might have defined it as something similar to that, but she hadn’t.

Seriously sick she walked back to the spring and let herself sink in. The water consuming her body and mind she felt better soon and she was able to think clearly again. She dried and dressed herself relieved that she was clean again and started down the hill on her way back home. Memories of the night were just out of her grasp and only came back to her in bits and pieces during her downhill walk.

The words "I’ll believe in you" were printed on her mind and gave her a sort of warm tingly feeling but she didn’t know why they were so obviously present. She shook herself back to reality. The bathing had cost her extra time and she didn’t want Rancha to wait and worry.

Tara had been preparing flowers for the rituals with the other girls the whole day. Now she was lying in the grass near the goddess’ temple and was just wasting time.

She was lying against a tree watching the priestesses walk about doing their duty. She loved watching them and she loved their way of being. They all wore the same light shimmering grey robes and all carried themselves with the dignity of queens.

Tara was startled when someone touched her shoulder, and looked back. An older priestess was standing behind her, smiling.

"You aren’t used to people sneaking up on you are you?"

"Not really!" Tara replied. She looked the woman over and decided that she was to be trusted.

"Why are you here?"

Tara thought a million thoughts, but simply said: "I was resting and I like to watch your sisters go about their business."

"Right, the older woman said. Do you like to be watched by strangers?"

"No" Tara replied wondering already what sort of punishment she would get.

"Well I suppose you should be introduced then shouldn’t you?!" Tara stared at her in disbelief.

"You mean… I get to go inside the temple and meet everyone?"

"Isn’t that what you wanted all along?"

"Yes… but…"

"No buts girl, come on in! Have a good look around! And by the way, my name is Shiwa."

Tara readily followed Shiwa as seeing the temple from inside was indeed what she had always wanted. She had walked around the temple and knew its every corner. She had brought flowers to the shrine and watched the priestesses for as long as she could remember, but always from a distance and never too close near the entrance.

Tara had seen the trees carved in the white stone around the entrance and admired them. They were all moon trees. Each tree associated with a certain part of the path the moon made each year to reach her point closest to the earth. Now she walked past them into the temple. There was little light in there but because of the white walls it gave the effect of moonlight shining.

In the middle there was no roof to cover a little spring coming from the ground. It was a perfect circle and had all sort of measurements around it. Tara couldn’t take her eyes of it.

The priestess saw her awe and asked her if she liked it.

Tara nodded her head.

"We read the moon’s signs in there. When the moon comes overhead at night it reflects itself and is enlarged so we can study her and her purposes for our world."

"Can anybody do that? Can I do that?"

"No not anybody can do that, but some can learn. Now let’s go on shall we?"

Tara had one more look at the pool before they turned another corner. Here there were a lot of priestesses together reading and working.

"They are given an education together with a training to become priestess. Many shall not finish their training and we don’t want to leave them with only the knowledge of a priestess, but want them to be able to pick up their life again.

"Could I be a priestess?" Tara asked.

Shiwa looked at her and squinted. "If you really wanted to I think you could."

Tara thought this over; she thought she would like to be a priestess. She thought she’d love to live in this beautiful place where everything was always so quiet and peaceful and where people would come to her for help and where she would be as close to the moon as she could get.

They walked back to the spring and Tara was told the high priestess and other more important priestesses where in the east wing.

Tara was already obsessed with the little spring again and didn’t pay much attention to the priestess who was pointing in several directions of the building telling her what it was that was done there. Leila took a few steps closer to the spring until she could nearly see herself reflected in it. The water was clear and she thought she could see the bottom of it. That couldn’t be though. The flowers around the edge of the spring reflected all their colours into it. The reflections showed different flowers though. They were bluebottles and poppies and were spread out as in a bed. They were slightly lit by the moon so that in the darkness she could still make out their colours. A woman, naked and painted in silver, was sitting in a corner arms tightly rapped around her knees, head down. The feeling of someone approaching made the woman lift her head. The frightened face was Leila’s. Tara took a step back and lost the sight. The water rippled as if a wind had blown over it. Tara looked at the pool again and took another step back. Shiwa was looking at her with concerned eyes and asked Tara if she was ok. Tara only knew that for now she wanted to be away from the water and made a dash for the temple entrance and was glad to feel the grass under her feet again once she got outside. She turned and stood staring at the temple. Nothing had changed, but she felt different. I will be back she promised herself when she saw Shiwa appearing in the formerly empty entrance waving her hand at her. Then she ran.

"Be blessed girl" Shiwa whispered after her "I’ll be waiting for your return."

Leila started walking down the mountain in quite a high pace, the freshness she had felt from the spring bath was quickly replaced by a hot sweaty feeling as the weather was good and the sun was shining down on her. Wiping the sweat from the back of her neck she noticed she was wearing her mother’s necklace. She couldn’t remember putting it on. Whatever, she thought. She had probably been so caught up with her dreams and the rituals that she had just forgotten she had done so.

She could already see Rancha from quite a distance. He was sitting against a large tree with his arms resting on his knees and his legs pulled up. He was reading. Leila had never thought him the type for reading and was pleasantly surprised. Rancha hadn’t seen her yet. When she had almost reached him the book had been long gone and she decided not to mention it.

They walked a long distance in silence until for a change it was Rancha who broke the silence and asked: "So, do you feel different now?"

Surprised Leila looked up at him. "Not really" she said.

"You weren’t cold up there walking around, well, you know?"

Leila grinned, "If you mean naked… No. I wasn’t cold as the springs are very warm and there was shelter enough against the wind."

"Oh good." Rancha answered and they returned to the silence they had walked in before which was quite okay with Leila because as usual she had a lot to think about.

Rancha however felt like having a conversation now he had decided she was worthy of having one at a decent level. He had found that she knew a lot and that the knowledge she had must have come from books. Not many people read and although he did he wasn’t exactly proud of it as, as a fighter, it wasn’t considered proper to be occupied with reading (unless it was about warfare of course) when you could be practicing or courting girls or serving the queen and making yourself a proper life. But he was interested in other things as well. He liked to know about the history of the country and the religions of other races and the reason for the different gods to be honoured in different places. He liked to know the "why" of everything and liked to figure things out that weren’t literally written down by comparing books and histories of different sorts. Right now he had reasons enough to be occupied with the moon goddess and what it was exactly she represented. He wanted to know if Leila somehow knew more that he did, but however hard he tried he couldn’t seem to get her to talk about that particular subject. Leila seemed to be occupied with other thoughts and the more he tried to ignore her and keep to his own the more curious he got about what it was exactly that she was thinking. What it was that kept her busy, what it was that put that frown on her face where her dark eyebrows nearly pulled together in deep thought. He had to give it up. Where on the way to the Agin springs he had been the one avoiding conversation it was now Leila that seemed to give only short answers and refrain from using more that two words in a sentence. Only when they finally settled down for some dinner did the conversation pick up again.